There is a new advertisement up for a project officer in Montreal with the Pearson Peacekeeping Centre. It pays well and it offers the potential of traveling all over Africa training peacekeepers from various African nations. I want this job! I just sent off my application and this time I didn't spend endless hours writing and editing my cover letter. I wrote what I thought was good and sent it off. I didn't even ask a friend to edit it. The last time I applied to the PPC they didn't even acknowledge receiving my resume. With my recent application, I asked for them to respond to let me know they had successfully received the attachments. Let's hope I hear from them.
Two other girls that I know of applied for this position. One is a great girl who got short listed for the last PPC job I applied to. I expect that she's got the position already if she's not working for some other organization. The other girl is a friend of mine who is the most pessimistic person I've ever encountered. I don't know if she would get hired after an interview. Was that wrong to point out her pessimism? I take that back, she's not pessimistic she's... very realistic. Anyways, whatever happens I hope one of us gets hired. I won't lie, I hope it's me. Frick that would SO rock! I would get to live in Montreal. I could move away from Toronto and be one of those exciting people who are going through "transition time".
Stupid transition time (grumble grumble). I think I have a bad case of the "poor mes" today. I have been going on and on with myself about how everyone has moved away and I'm stuck in Toronto working for International Justice Mission and the Centre for Social Justice. It seems like all those close to me are moving to foreign lands or new places to pursue their dreams. Just yesterday I counted all the foreign friends I now have; friends in Tanzania, Kenya, Goa, Sri Lanka, Cairo, Yemen, Kazakhstan, Bali, Maui, Korea, the Dominican Republic and countless other places. I have friends who aren't even in development who are going to the Philippines, Mozambique and Holland to do mission training. I say good for them. I should not be envious or bitter. I should rejoice. When I eventually get money I will have tons of places to stay for free!
That is not sufficient to cheer me up.
Life is not entirely bad here. And even though I am not traveling somewhere my life is in a transition period too, it's just not as exciting as other people. My volunteer position at the Centre for Social Justice may end up turning into a real job. My boss wants me to help him coordinate and organize a national pre-election campaign for civic engagement. Once funding is given for the campaign he said he would pay me a working wage. This opportunity appeals to me, except for the fact that I have to work with the most scatter-brained person on the planet. My boss is so ADD it's impossible to get him to focus to even map out our campaign strategies and general deadlines. Part of last week was spent attempting to fix up his founding documents to present to the Working Committee of union heads/leaders and it took us two days (and countless hours of my frustration).
I also got a call from IJM telling me my contract is still a go. I am back working on a proposal and should be done in the next three weeks to a month. I also got a phone call from AWID (a women's rights organization) to do an internship. I had applied for an internship with them in June and was interviewed with two other people but did not get the job. Apparently the person they did hire was terrible and left early. Phht, serves them right for not hiring me. Jerks. Ahem...the point is they want me to work for them, for free of course because no one ever pays people in my field unless they have an MA or gazillion years of experience. Man, this poor me stuff really has to go.
In some relatively good news, I started doing practice LSATs and I am getting questions right. I am so smart! Yes, be impressed people (if anyone indeed reads this blog) I do have some level of intelligent thought and according to the people of the Princeton Review, I will be on my way to law school any day now. Of course I believe them and why not, they're from Princeton and Ivy League schools are always right; at least in my estimation.
So you see life is not so terrible. I potentially have a job with the PPC, I have two internships with two relatively good organizations (one which will eventually pay me), I still have a contract with IJM and I am on my way to LSAT glory and success.
So why do I still feel bad?
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Thursday, August 31, 2006
My house smells like asphalt
Someone is doing roadwork nearby and my whole house smells like tar. It's yucky. Oddly enough, the smell of road seems to make me very hungry. I've been eating all day.
So, I haven't posted in awhile. I have lots to say at the moment but can never figure out how to express it all. I always seem to edit the crap out of my posts to make sure there are no grammatical errors or repetitive use of words, but I think for now, I am just going to rant away and you can read if you choose. That was long sentence.
Let's see, where to begin.
I have come to realize that the things I have wanted for so very long are not indeed what I need. Basically I realized that what I was dreading was actually what was best and now that it's occurred I feel some relief. I don't want to say that I am completely relieved because I am not. If anything even though I know things are where they should be I still feel this ache in my heart. I am sad and this time of grief, although for a season, is needed to redirect my priorities, renew my passion, and motivate me to aim for a new level of spiritual maturity.
The last two months have been all about personal growth, particularly this week. Since Sunday I have been on a rollercoaster ride of emotion. It changes moment by moment. At some points I have cried for no reason (I never thought an Excel spreadsheet could stir up such an emotioanl response from me. I'm sure my co-workers think I'm right nuts.) and then at other times I have felt so confident; more confident than I have ever felt before. I don't know how to reconcile such trying mood swings. My tendency is to analyse why this is happening, but instead I am choosing to go with the flow, letting my emotions come and go realizing that they are not negative or positive. I may be happy or sad, but no matter how I feel it does not change the truth of my life or who I am. Knowing that has made life more bearable and if anything, has been a great comfort.
One of the most validating experiences this week has been my appointment with Rupen, the program director of IPMP at Humber. I went in to discuss procurement manuals (oh ah) and we had an indepth discussion about my two field placements. As I talked he just sat and listened(thank goodness he has a MA in psychiatry). To my surprise, I was quite upset. So upset that I could barely discuss it without getting teary. Finally after I finished, he looked at me and with so much sincerety pointed out that I had every reason to feel frustrated. I was shocked. Maybe it was because it came from someone I strongly respect and admire or perhap it was because it was coming from an adult who really understood what I was feeling, but when he uttered those few words I felt a weight lift from my shoulders. Validation can mean so much. For the first time in weeks I felt hope. It was exhilerating!
This new feeling of hope has really given me new perspective. I need to make drastic changes to my life, which in my view are not going to be easy. Yeah, I could lament about how I will be humbled and blah blah blah but what does that accomplish? Yes, it's going to be hard and it's going to be difficult. It's supposed to be that way. No one said it would be easy. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy. Yes, that's a tacky cliched statement but it's true. If I want my life to be different, I have to make different choices. There is no easy way around it. But I'd rather have the knowledge that the road ahead is bumpy then not venture on it at all.
This desire to make drastic changes has been coming for awhile. So with this in mind I have made some positive steps. I bought an LSAT prep book. Yes I have said it before, but this time I actually mean it. I am going to write the LSAT. I have booked my test for December 2nd so it IS going to happen (unless I'm dead or in some foreign land). I just spent $118 of my precious money to take a 5 hour test which may or may not determine my ability to apply to law school. Buying the book really confirmed a lot for me as I have wanted to go to lawschool for the last three years. I applied to do my MA because I thought it would look good on my CV and then I went to Humber instead because I thought I needed practical experience. But all along, I wanted to go to lawschool. I was just afraid to take a step out and attempt to pursue that goal. I want this and I am going to do it. There is no such thing as trying. You either do it or you don't and the result is either success or failure. If you fail, pick yourself up and do it again and again until you succeed (or until another opportunity comes along or you just get tired). The best part about knowing God is that I never fail. I only keep retaking the test again until I pass.
God is definitely good to me. Although life as of late has been rough, I feel His peace, which I consider a fruitful development. I am surrounded by chaos and confusion, but I can still see my Father's face. This is something new to me, but it's a wonderful feeling. I don't want to lose it. If that means I will forever be uncertain about my future and how life will unfold, that's alright. This is the best place I've been yet.
So, I haven't posted in awhile. I have lots to say at the moment but can never figure out how to express it all. I always seem to edit the crap out of my posts to make sure there are no grammatical errors or repetitive use of words, but I think for now, I am just going to rant away and you can read if you choose. That was long sentence.
Let's see, where to begin.
I have come to realize that the things I have wanted for so very long are not indeed what I need. Basically I realized that what I was dreading was actually what was best and now that it's occurred I feel some relief. I don't want to say that I am completely relieved because I am not. If anything even though I know things are where they should be I still feel this ache in my heart. I am sad and this time of grief, although for a season, is needed to redirect my priorities, renew my passion, and motivate me to aim for a new level of spiritual maturity.
The last two months have been all about personal growth, particularly this week. Since Sunday I have been on a rollercoaster ride of emotion. It changes moment by moment. At some points I have cried for no reason (I never thought an Excel spreadsheet could stir up such an emotioanl response from me. I'm sure my co-workers think I'm right nuts.) and then at other times I have felt so confident; more confident than I have ever felt before. I don't know how to reconcile such trying mood swings. My tendency is to analyse why this is happening, but instead I am choosing to go with the flow, letting my emotions come and go realizing that they are not negative or positive. I may be happy or sad, but no matter how I feel it does not change the truth of my life or who I am. Knowing that has made life more bearable and if anything, has been a great comfort.
One of the most validating experiences this week has been my appointment with Rupen, the program director of IPMP at Humber. I went in to discuss procurement manuals (oh ah) and we had an indepth discussion about my two field placements. As I talked he just sat and listened(thank goodness he has a MA in psychiatry). To my surprise, I was quite upset. So upset that I could barely discuss it without getting teary. Finally after I finished, he looked at me and with so much sincerety pointed out that I had every reason to feel frustrated. I was shocked. Maybe it was because it came from someone I strongly respect and admire or perhap it was because it was coming from an adult who really understood what I was feeling, but when he uttered those few words I felt a weight lift from my shoulders. Validation can mean so much. For the first time in weeks I felt hope. It was exhilerating!
This new feeling of hope has really given me new perspective. I need to make drastic changes to my life, which in my view are not going to be easy. Yeah, I could lament about how I will be humbled and blah blah blah but what does that accomplish? Yes, it's going to be hard and it's going to be difficult. It's supposed to be that way. No one said it would be easy. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy. Yes, that's a tacky cliched statement but it's true. If I want my life to be different, I have to make different choices. There is no easy way around it. But I'd rather have the knowledge that the road ahead is bumpy then not venture on it at all.
This desire to make drastic changes has been coming for awhile. So with this in mind I have made some positive steps. I bought an LSAT prep book. Yes I have said it before, but this time I actually mean it. I am going to write the LSAT. I have booked my test for December 2nd so it IS going to happen (unless I'm dead or in some foreign land). I just spent $118 of my precious money to take a 5 hour test which may or may not determine my ability to apply to law school. Buying the book really confirmed a lot for me as I have wanted to go to lawschool for the last three years. I applied to do my MA because I thought it would look good on my CV and then I went to Humber instead because I thought I needed practical experience. But all along, I wanted to go to lawschool. I was just afraid to take a step out and attempt to pursue that goal. I want this and I am going to do it. There is no such thing as trying. You either do it or you don't and the result is either success or failure. If you fail, pick yourself up and do it again and again until you succeed (or until another opportunity comes along or you just get tired). The best part about knowing God is that I never fail. I only keep retaking the test again until I pass.
God is definitely good to me. Although life as of late has been rough, I feel His peace, which I consider a fruitful development. I am surrounded by chaos and confusion, but I can still see my Father's face. This is something new to me, but it's a wonderful feeling. I don't want to lose it. If that means I will forever be uncertain about my future and how life will unfold, that's alright. This is the best place I've been yet.
Monday, August 28, 2006
I watched tv today for the first time in weeks. It's odd to have been away from my mind numbing friend. While in university television was such a relief. It was nice to sit and watch ridiculousness for an hour as a study break just to give my mind some time to process after reading so much political theory, history etc...
After being away from tv, when I return I am always shocked and pleaseed with what I see. There always seems to be the overtly sexual shows where breasts and other such body parts are seen on a regular basis. The over-use of sexual innuendos can be exhausting. There also is just more and more junk being advertised. I saw this horrible infomercial tonight on JeMagic. Please, do not decorate your homes with this contraption. It's hideous.
Nonetheless, there still seems to be some really good programming out there. Tonight, after having a productive day sending out resumes, I decided to watch a doc on WWI and the history of the Haitian military coup of 1991. I don't care how much people say television sucks up your brain cells, it's a great way to learn and educate the average person. Even watching the news can be informative and enlightening, despite the constant analysis we must do in order to have an objective and factual view of the world. The amount of information we can receive from one hour of television is enormous and I must say, if one is scrupulous and discerning, it can be rather produtive and useful.
After being away from tv, when I return I am always shocked and pleaseed with what I see. There always seems to be the overtly sexual shows where breasts and other such body parts are seen on a regular basis. The over-use of sexual innuendos can be exhausting. There also is just more and more junk being advertised. I saw this horrible infomercial tonight on JeMagic. Please, do not decorate your homes with this contraption. It's hideous.
Nonetheless, there still seems to be some really good programming out there. Tonight, after having a productive day sending out resumes, I decided to watch a doc on WWI and the history of the Haitian military coup of 1991. I don't care how much people say television sucks up your brain cells, it's a great way to learn and educate the average person. Even watching the news can be informative and enlightening, despite the constant analysis we must do in order to have an objective and factual view of the world. The amount of information we can receive from one hour of television is enormous and I must say, if one is scrupulous and discerning, it can be rather produtive and useful.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
The crazy monster from Robarts
The cutest little Korean toddler came to talk to me today. His mom was keeping a close eye on him as he meandered around the book displays. After exploring the cafeteria, the vending machine room and the t-card office he was completely certain that there was a monster somewhere about. He came right up to me (ballsy little man he was) and started gibbering away using expressive hand gestures. I have no idea what he was saying as he was speaking a combination of English, French and Korean. Apparently his name is Jacob and I should stay away from the monster's lair (the janitor closet). I'm amazed at the skills of children today. This little guy is two and already multilingual. Crazy eh?
Monday, July 24, 2006
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Ah, the joys of procrastination
I have work to do
I was supposed to do it last night
I was pleasantly distracted
tee hee
I was supposed to do it last night
I was pleasantly distracted
tee hee
Thursday, July 20, 2006
A lengthy post
OK, so I have been incredibly distracted lately. It's like I get focused on one thing and I can't seem to see past it. Today, I received an email from my aunt who wants me to connect with this guy working in Bali. She gave me his blog address and so I decided to check it out. Man, it was AWESOME!! It reminded me of what I want to do with my life and to get off my ass and stop wasting my time. I just realized how much potential I have (props to Meredith). I must take action and I must do it NOW! It makes me angry to think that I wasted precious time thinking and analyzing situations or relationships that just don't matter. Seriously, in light of God's plans for my life all the little worries of the present are so irrelevant and it makes me frustrated with myself that I have been consumed with self-deprecating thought. Grr...
In light of that revelation, I picked myself up and started to do some work. First, I ended up having a wicked-ass phone conversation with a family friend who I recently discovered works at CIDA. I get to tell her what I want to do and she'll tell me if it's possible (wee). I mean, who knew I actually would develop a connection with some big-wig at CIDA? After that I made the long trek out to Etobicoke to Humber to print off all the things I need for IJM and the Centre for Social Justice. I have so much crap to do and like usual, it's all due at the same time. Hmm... this feels oddly familiar.
I've been at Humber now for several hours reading all the IJM documentation. I have a complete budget of their entire project in Bolivia. It's so detailed that I have all the financial info for this organization down to their laundry expenses. This is nuts! I cannot believe I am looking at documents like this. Well I can, I just didn't expect it to be so soon after finishing school. Um yeah, let's hope no one from IJM Canada figures out that I have no idea what I am doing.
Also, I became an expert at looking up international legal documents pertaining to Indigenous rights. I thought this would be incredibly boring but I have to admit, this is REALLY interesting. Canadian Aboriginals have been terribly mistreated in this country and it makes me angry that our government has done so little to address their current situation. The whole thing is appalling. I feel a rant coming on...
Why would the nation of Canada, the Canadian government; a western power and proponent of multilateralism and international law; a supporter of the rights and principles enshrined in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, the Covenant on Civil and Political Rights, and the Covenant on the Rights of the Child; and a constant outspoken advocate of international justice and humanitarianism, be so against the fair treatment of their own citizens? These people, people that are loved by OUR God, people who have the right to dignity and equality have been neglected and are forced to live in poverty and isolation. This pisses me off! This is why I should be a lawyer. To help make laws that are needed and force countries to be accountable for the treaties and conventions they sign. No wonder people think international law is a joke. Countries NEVER adhere to their commitments. Just look at Kyoto. Now I know what Stephen Lewis means when he talks about HIV/AIDS in Africa and the MDGs. Apathy is abhorrent.
That is all… for now
In light of that revelation, I picked myself up and started to do some work. First, I ended up having a wicked-ass phone conversation with a family friend who I recently discovered works at CIDA. I get to tell her what I want to do and she'll tell me if it's possible (wee). I mean, who knew I actually would develop a connection with some big-wig at CIDA? After that I made the long trek out to Etobicoke to Humber to print off all the things I need for IJM and the Centre for Social Justice. I have so much crap to do and like usual, it's all due at the same time. Hmm... this feels oddly familiar.
I've been at Humber now for several hours reading all the IJM documentation. I have a complete budget of their entire project in Bolivia. It's so detailed that I have all the financial info for this organization down to their laundry expenses. This is nuts! I cannot believe I am looking at documents like this. Well I can, I just didn't expect it to be so soon after finishing school. Um yeah, let's hope no one from IJM Canada figures out that I have no idea what I am doing.
Also, I became an expert at looking up international legal documents pertaining to Indigenous rights. I thought this would be incredibly boring but I have to admit, this is REALLY interesting. Canadian Aboriginals have been terribly mistreated in this country and it makes me angry that our government has done so little to address their current situation. The whole thing is appalling. I feel a rant coming on...
Why would the nation of Canada, the Canadian government; a western power and proponent of multilateralism and international law; a supporter of the rights and principles enshrined in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, the Covenant on Civil and Political Rights, and the Covenant on the Rights of the Child; and a constant outspoken advocate of international justice and humanitarianism, be so against the fair treatment of their own citizens? These people, people that are loved by OUR God, people who have the right to dignity and equality have been neglected and are forced to live in poverty and isolation. This pisses me off! This is why I should be a lawyer. To help make laws that are needed and force countries to be accountable for the treaties and conventions they sign. No wonder people think international law is a joke. Countries NEVER adhere to their commitments. Just look at Kyoto. Now I know what Stephen Lewis means when he talks about HIV/AIDS in Africa and the MDGs. Apathy is abhorrent.
That is all… for now
Here kitty kitty
I might be kitten sitting for four days. Just think: two beautiful little muffins running around my house and tearing up my couch, wreaking havoc on everything I hold dear. I can't wait! Anyone wanna come over and see the little boos? You know you wanna...
Monday, July 17, 2006
I need a break
I haven't written here in a long while. I feel I have nothing pertinent to say anymore. For the last two weeks I have socialized a lot, which I have thoroughly enjoyed, but I find that it has been too much for me to handle. I love people but I desire space for me and my over-analysis. Yes, general thinking time is what I need otherwise I will no longer be able to carry on normal conversation.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
A glorious night
I walked home tonight in my bare feet in the pouring rain. The puddles were lovely and cool. My whole walk was so enjoyable and refreshing. I love rain. It's so clean.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
School is finally over. I did my last test today and I think I could have done better. Actually, it was probably really bad but I don't care, I'm glad it's done. It was out of 100 with 30 multiple choice questions each worth 3 marks (retarded if you ask me) and then an essay question on the UN Social Summit in Copenhagen. Anywho, I bullshitted a lot and made a few guesses. But, there was a lot on the test that I knew, which of course made me happy b/c I really didn't study very much last night. So, I rock for knowing a lot of UN information and odd Cdn. historical facts. Actually, I think the prof wrote a question wrong. He said that the UN was created by Roosevelt and Churchill, but it was really created by Woodrow Wilson after WWI with the creation of the League of Nations. Anyways, that's not the point. The point is that school is done and I can now have a real life.
To make my life even better than it is at this moment, I got offered a job today from a friend who is working for Stephane Dion (former enviro. minister) who is running in the Liberal leadership race. Apparently I would be typing some random party information into a database (boring) but I would get a lovely reference letter from the potential "Official Leader of the Opposition." Hmm... I don't know? I'm thinking it be a lot of fun plus I would get about $100/day. Right now I have the option of going to a cottage, working or hanging out in Toronto for Canada Day weekend. I can't decide. Someone needs to point me in the right direction.
To make my life even better than it is at this moment, I got offered a job today from a friend who is working for Stephane Dion (former enviro. minister) who is running in the Liberal leadership race. Apparently I would be typing some random party information into a database (boring) but I would get a lovely reference letter from the potential "Official Leader of the Opposition." Hmm... I don't know? I'm thinking it be a lot of fun plus I would get about $100/day. Right now I have the option of going to a cottage, working or hanging out in Toronto for Canada Day weekend. I can't decide. Someone needs to point me in the right direction.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Update on peacekeeping job
Yeah, so I didn't get shortlisted for the peacekeeping job in Ottawa. Actually, I never even got an email confirmation telling me they received my resume. Ah well. Another girl in my class applied too and has an interview. That's what I heard, but it was a tid bit of gossip, so who knows if it's true. True or not, I am glad one of us got an interview. At least it tells me that people from my course can have a chance at a real job. Ok, to avoid lying through my teeth, I will say that I am disappointed and feel rather crummy that this girl got an interview instead of me. But I never really felt I had a strong chance of getting the job. I just wanted to apply for something and follow through. For some reason, I am not dismayed but am at peace. Weird. God has a plan for my life, plans for me to prosper, to give me hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). I trust that. Perhaps that job wouldn't have suited me. For whatever reason, it's not mine and Jesus is in control. Thank goodness.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
School is almost done. THANK GOD!! I have one minor assignment to do and then a test next Tuesday. I am so thankful things are coming to a close as I want to get on with my life. I am sick of school and just getting a job would make me happy. Well, not just any job, but a job in development. I have some leads, which I discovered last Saturday at a conference on justice. Exciting! In September I might potentially be in Cambodia or maybe I'll be in California doing some work for an amazing mission organization. Who knows? I certainly don't. We'll see where God places me.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
"It's not right, but it's okay": an ode to Rachet
Today I hung out with an old friend, Rachel. She is home for a week from the Dominican Republic and I am so glad that she spared a little time to talk with me. There is so much about Rachel that I love and admire. She stayed back in Barrie for three years to wait for God's direction while all of her friends went away to university and college. She worked at Walmart for 7 years to save enough money to go to the DR and since living there for over a year she has perservered in her goals. She has remained firm in her commitment to those in her little village and her employees at the art co-op despite being attacked twice and living with the abject poor. Our chat today was such a good reminder of who I want to be. It's nice to be around someone who really knows you and all your history. Despite my faults and silly choices, I am still striving for the things I once did and I'm so thankful that Rachel sees it.
Ah Rachet, how I will miss you when you go back to the DR. We have so many memories together. Like the time we went to Jess Sharpe's cottage in Amanada Catheline's car and someone spilt pop on her stereo and we couldn't turn Abba off. Or the many times when we used to drive around in my truck laughing about Whitney Houston songs. Or perhaps our longstanding feud over Rudy Westernang (oh my). The memoires are endless and I cherish every one.
Ah Rachet, how I will miss you when you go back to the DR. We have so many memories together. Like the time we went to Jess Sharpe's cottage in Amanada Catheline's car and someone spilt pop on her stereo and we couldn't turn Abba off. Or the many times when we used to drive around in my truck laughing about Whitney Houston songs. Or perhaps our longstanding feud over Rudy Westernang (oh my). The memoires are endless and I cherish every one.
Friday, June 09, 2006
I have a feeling this is going to be a hard summer. So much is happening that I don't know where to begin. I wish I could express myself here with blatant honesty, but I cannot bring myself to do it. All I can say, is that I am at point where I must face such great pain in order to move on in my spiritual life. This entails doing things that I do not want to do. It entails having my skin stripped off of me so that the new being underneath will come forth and shine. I so want this, but am uncertain how to be broken. I look at this time with joy as I am making large steps forward, but am full of sorrow as I know the journey ahead will be difficult. I can hardly think of it without crying. I want to do this on my own, but I know that I cannot. Jesus will have to carry me. We will do this together, with the knowledge that the end result will be ultimate freedom and peace. I await my reward with anticipation.
Monday, June 05, 2006
Pissy, tired and overly critical
I have spent all night working on my cover letter for a peacekeeping job. I got home from church at 8:30 and have been working on this stupid document until now (1:30am). I am exhausted and so frustrated. I finally managed to get something out that I deemed acceptable and sent it to a friend to look over only to discover that everything I had written (well, not everything, I'm being rather dramatic) was not very good. I felt so upset I wanted to burst into tears. So, after discussing ( and mostly analyzing ) what my friend said, I decided to go back and really edit my cover letter. But now, I am so tired that I can hardly think and all I want to do is go to bed. I feel so disappointed b/c I so wanted to finish this. I must be over-thinking things because it shouldn't take 5 bloody hours to write a blasted four paragraph one page coverletter!!! Grrrr....
I just realized I really want this job. It's a "special project manager' position, which has AMAZING pay, kickass benefits, frequent international travel, and is an awesome opportunity to gain first hand management experience. It's in Ottawa too (props to Ian and Mags). Long sigh... I don't know. Maybe I should just throw in the towel and sleep on it. I'll get up early and finish it tomorrow at school. Besides, I don't really need to be in communications class. Besides, I have a good excuse for not going, our teacher is terrible! I don't understand how some people get hired. This woman says "um" like every other word. Isn't that the biggest no no in communication/presentation courses?
Goodnight
Pissy, tired and overly critical,
Johanna
I just realized I really want this job. It's a "special project manager' position, which has AMAZING pay, kickass benefits, frequent international travel, and is an awesome opportunity to gain first hand management experience. It's in Ottawa too (props to Ian and Mags). Long sigh... I don't know. Maybe I should just throw in the towel and sleep on it. I'll get up early and finish it tomorrow at school. Besides, I don't really need to be in communications class. Besides, I have a good excuse for not going, our teacher is terrible! I don't understand how some people get hired. This woman says "um" like every other word. Isn't that the biggest no no in communication/presentation courses?
Goodnight
Pissy, tired and overly critical,
Johanna
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
"If it's not baroque don't fix it"
Today I have been working on my media assignment for my Canadian Development course and I have been listening to Bach all day. Gosh, he is so amazing. I can't believe someone could create such beauty with music. My favourite is his Italian Concerto and Brandenburg Concerto #3. I have the sheet music for the Italian Concerto and have been playing it on the keyboard in our sunroom. I will never play the third movement quick enough (presto, as fast as possible), but nonetheless, it's stress relieving and fun to try :)
Back to work,
Johanna
Back to work,
Johanna
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Foolish Games
I really don't understand men who say they don't like you and then act like they do. It makes no sense. At first it can be incredibly frustrating and very hurtful but as time goes on, and after you've gotten over things, it just becomes quite amusing. I'm finding that you begin to notice little things they do and say (ie: their lame attempts at flirting). I'm getting so good at it, I can actually predict what will happen with me and particular people. In many ways, I find this to be so empowering. Ha! I used to ponder why men would act so contrary. Perhaps they are just afraid of telling me their true feelings. Maybe they like me but they don't know how much. Or maybe they are intimidated by me in some way? Perhaps they only feel physical attraction and nothing more. Maybe I should read "He's Just Not That Into You"? Hmmm.... Who knows why men do the things they do? In light of my current situation, who cares! I'm having WAY too much fun.
I suppose playing the game is really quite manipulative, but at times, why should I not partake if the other peron is begging for me to play? Why not indulge a little bit. On my end I know its meaningless. I'm not serious. So go ahead, play your game, I'll just sit back and laugh at what unfolds.
I suppose playing the game is really quite manipulative, but at times, why should I not partake if the other peron is begging for me to play? Why not indulge a little bit. On my end I know its meaningless. I'm not serious. So go ahead, play your game, I'll just sit back and laugh at what unfolds.
Monday, May 15, 2006
keep your fingers crossed...
I just applied to work at the UN. Let's hope I actually get an interview. Even if I don't get hired, just to get an interview would make me so thrilled. I'm excited. Woo hoo.
Praying like a mad person,
Johanna
P.S. Any petition to God for a UN job made on my behalf would be most welcome. Many thanks :)
Praying like a mad person,
Johanna
P.S. Any petition to God for a UN job made on my behalf would be most welcome. Many thanks :)
Monday, May 01, 2006
If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all
You know what is really bothersome? When someone criticizes you in front of other people. I know there's always that same old explanation: "people put other people down because they aren't confident in themselves", but is that really true? Maybe these "put downers" are just jerks. Why do low self-esteem issues validate or explain poor behavior? I mean, if a guy felt he needed validation and slept with random girls, would we be rationalizing his behaviour? Probably not. I know the Christian thing to do is to be gracious, but when the same thing occurs over and over again, I have to admit, my patience is tested. In the end, I just feel guilted into being compassionate to these people, when in my view, their behavior is completely unacceptable.
These public put downs have been happening a lot lately and I think the next time someone criticizes me in public, I'm going to say something right then and there as a response. Seriously, I'm not all into conflict and confrontation, but sometimes putting someone in their place is a good way of clearing the air, especially if it's in front of others. I also wonder why, when someone does put you down, no one ever says anything. I'm sure some people are completely oblvious and others, I know, take notice. I have been guilty of picking up on a put down and not saying anything in another's defence. If we ever happen to hang out and someone puts you down and I notice it, I will promise to say something. I hope you would do the same for me. As for you "put-downers", watch it, I'm not letting you get away with it anymore.
These public put downs have been happening a lot lately and I think the next time someone criticizes me in public, I'm going to say something right then and there as a response. Seriously, I'm not all into conflict and confrontation, but sometimes putting someone in their place is a good way of clearing the air, especially if it's in front of others. I also wonder why, when someone does put you down, no one ever says anything. I'm sure some people are completely oblvious and others, I know, take notice. I have been guilty of picking up on a put down and not saying anything in another's defence. If we ever happen to hang out and someone puts you down and I notice it, I will promise to say something. I hope you would do the same for me. As for you "put-downers", watch it, I'm not letting you get away with it anymore.
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