questions

I just realized I misjudged someone. That's okay. I'm glad I figured things out. I'm glad I can move on. I feel frustrated and if anything I feel really retarded. I thought I wasn't intimidated by this girl but I am now. It was all based on physical appearance, which is so ridiculously shallow I feel ashamed to admit it.

To be honest, I am feeling really crummy about who I am right now. I used to think I was deep; that I was real; that I had inner strength to be blatantly honest, but now, I realize i'm just like "everyone else". I'm fake with people ALL the time! I go back on my word often. I'm two-faced. I rarely follow-through. I make judgements. Who am I? What makes me think I stand out? What makes me so diferent from the next random person? My intellect? People seem to think I'm smart. What if it's a lie? What if I'm not? Maybe I don't know enough. What I'll never know enough about development and international relations? Maybe I'll never know enough about politics or history or economics or the Palestinian/Israeli peace process or IMF strutural adjustment... blah blah

I'm noticing my lack of depth a lot. I talk about surface crap. What depth do I supposedly have? I repeat the same conversations over and over again. Do I have nothing pertinent to say? Someone once told me that being deep was being depressed. If this is so, why am I so depressed and yet feel so shallow?