What a terrible day. I suppose it's not really terrible. I just feel so blah. You know those days when you just feel down and you can't pinpoint it? Something is aching in your heart, but you can't quite name it? Something deep inside just feels... empty. I feel so alone today. More alone than ever before. I need my Father so badly. I just need one touch, one word, just a little piece of glory so I can have some peace. Anything, as long as it takes this feeling away, even if it's for a moment. Nothing is right it seems. I could eat lunch with Nelson Mandela today and it wouldn't matter (yeah, seems weird, but I think that would make my life super perfect if I could say I ate lunch with Nelson Mandela. I wonder what he would order?). Why him? I don't know? I imagine he would say something super inspirational to make me refocus my life and help me realign my priorities, maybe push me to see beyond myself for once. Even if I did finally become selfless and changed. Even if I had recognition, fame, status and brains; (improper use of a semi-colon) deep down, I would still feel this longing, this brokeness. I hate it and all it represents. I'm nauseous just thinking of it.
I hate my neediness.
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About Me
- Johanna
- I'm a recent university graduate who is attempting to figure out where life will take her. Not sure yet, but hopefully it will be interesting and exciting.
2 comments:
J.
I'm feeling somewhat similar these days. Blah for elusive reasons. I mean, I could name some of the things that are getting me down, but why are they getting me down now when they haven't been? Straw breaking camel’s back? I don't know.
(I honestly believe) God is near you. It's strange, but in little moments throughout the day, even in the middle of feeling self-loathing, I feel the Spirit around me. It's like he's always there, just like the blue sky is always there, but the clouds in my soul cover him up as soon as I catch a glimpse.
I hope and pray the clouds clear up for you.
Peace,
T
Whoa! Word! Thats all I got to say!
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