Saturday, February 25, 2006

My reading week is over. I could have accomplished so much, but instead I lounged and watched the Olympics. I have two tests when I get back on Tuesday and for some odd reason I am not worried. I feel uncomfortable with my lack of anxiety. Usually this is what motivates me to study and to do well. Lately, I seem to have developed a very apathetic attitude towards school. I'm at a loss to explain it. I'm getting tired of "doing", of being productive. I'm constantly being pushed by the world to do do do do. It's endless: devotional time, prayer, research, essays, proposals, readings, tests, resume writing, job applications, volunteer applications, networking, the LSAT, law school, graduate school applications, social excursions, family commitments, reformating my computer, calling the embassy in Mozambique, internships etc.... the list goes on and on. After awhile I get lost in tasks. When I finally have a moments peace, I just want to sleep and relax. But even after all my justification and rationalizing, I have tremendous guilt. I'm worried that nothing will ever motivate me. At the beginning of 1st term I was so enthusiastic. Every time I sat in class I could feel God's spirit all over me, pushing me, exciting me, driving me to learn. Now I feel dismay. I don't know what to do or how to fix this.

3 comments:

RTF said...

J.

You could do what I am trying to do: ride it out. Inspiration will come again. When you're not going through that blessed state of inspiration and feeling carried along by the current, you should remember those times and keep on. I am trying to do this myself these days. Inspiration comes and goes. Just remember the inspiration even if you can't feel it--just like we need to remember God's love when we can't feel it.

You can DO it!

Peace,

T

Adrienne said...

Joe,
I know exactly how you feel! I often start things with a hearty go getter attitude ready to learn and then half way through I just kind of crash! Deadlines suck!
Keep pushing girl! You can do this and when you are done you'll be glad you did it!

Johanna said...

Thanks for the encouragement, you guys. I appreciate it.

love, hugs and smiles,
Johanna

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About Me

I'm a recent university graduate who is attempting to figure out where life will take her. Not sure yet, but hopefully it will be interesting and exciting.