You know what is really bothersome? When someone criticizes you in front of other people. I know there's always that same old explanation: "people put other people down because they aren't confident in themselves", but is that really true? Maybe these "put downers" are just jerks. Why do low self-esteem issues validate or explain poor behavior? I mean, if a guy felt he needed validation and slept with random girls, would we be rationalizing his behaviour? Probably not. I know the Christian thing to do is to be gracious, but when the same thing occurs over and over again, I have to admit, my patience is tested. In the end, I just feel guilted into being compassionate to these people, when in my view, their behavior is completely unacceptable.
These public put downs have been happening a lot lately and I think the next time someone criticizes me in public, I'm going to say something right then and there as a response. Seriously, I'm not all into conflict and confrontation, but sometimes putting someone in their place is a good way of clearing the air, especially if it's in front of others. I also wonder why, when someone does put you down, no one ever says anything. I'm sure some people are completely oblvious and others, I know, take notice. I have been guilty of picking up on a put down and not saying anything in another's defence. If we ever happen to hang out and someone puts you down and I notice it, I will promise to say something. I hope you would do the same for me. As for you "put-downers", watch it, I'm not letting you get away with it anymore.
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About Me
- Johanna
- I'm a recent university graduate who is attempting to figure out where life will take her. Not sure yet, but hopefully it will be interesting and exciting.
7 comments:
J.
Yeah, put-downing sucks. I don't think the lack of confidence explanation serves to excuse anybody. I think most things have some kind of psychological explanation. But knowing that somebody who puts you down is insecure might help you not to be as hurt or affected by their comments. Sure, they might hurt you for real, but if you knew they were doing that because of a problem in them, you would feel less like you yourself are the problem. Does that make any sense?
So often I have problems with other people, but it often ends up being nobody's problem but my own!
I'll keep an eye out for put-downers. Here's to friends on the defence!
Peace,
T
Sometimes I think the put downers are just prideful, so ya my hot headed friend put the put downer in his/her place.
I would! Most of the time I try to defend people unless I realize that I would make the situation worse if I were to interupt.
I was just thinking about when it would be appropriate to say something to a put-downer. Sometimes it can make a situation more tense and in the end just make one look silly. Any thoughts on that?
See if it's worth paying mind to or not. Sometimes, overlooking such things where and when they happen is appropriate. You can confront privately and spare a bit of that person some embarrassment in case they didn't mean it.
T
In case they didn't mean it? Then why did they say it in the first place? Isn't a put down a dig disguised as a joke? That's why they're so difficult to point out. They're subtle. When one does respond with sincere hurt, they are the ones who appear to be over-reacting.
And why respond to them in private? Put downs are on purpose and designed to make another look bad in front of others. Why let someone get away with it when it counts? I say, let's catch them in the act.
I guess the real question is not whether to point out a put down but how do you point it out in a tactful, loving way.
I guess you're talking about a blatant putdown rather than something someone says without thinking. That's what I meant by them not meaning it.
Just for conversation, check out Proverbs 19:11.
As with many things in life, you can't just make a hard list of situations where it is acceptable to publicly confront. We can only use our best judgment at the time.
Peace,
T
I'm not suggesting making a hard list. I am simply stating that there must be some way to address this type of behavior at the time with tact, grace and love. Surely that is possible?
This line of commenting is getting rather long and I'm sure it would be better explained in person. Looks like I'm making a bee-line for you after church this Sunday.
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