Kalighat

I spent this afternoon at Kalighat. This was not my first visit, but it was the first tense volunteer experience I have had thus far. I think part of it had to do with the fact that today I was really tired and totally disinterested in volunteering. I arrived and things seemed relaxed and laid-back as usual. I decided from that moment onwards that I would spend my two hours at Kalighat in a relaxed manner. I would sit with people, feed them, bring them their medication etc.... It's funny how God has a sense of humour because from the moment I entered the room, I had major things to do and they were all really yucky. For those of you who are diplomatic and eloquent, I would like to now inform you that I am completely the opposite. Just a slight warning, this post may gross you out. Anywho, back to Kalighat. So I arrive and the first thing I must do is help an elderly woman go to the bathroom. This is not usually a difficult task except for the fact that this woman has a colonoscopy bag and it's completely full and broken. Not only is there feces all over her, she has part of her colon protruding from her belly. I have never seen anything like this before. I feel badly about my reaction. At first I totally gasped and cringed and then all I could do was stare. It was such a shock to see something like this. I attempted to clean her up as best I could, but it was hard because I did not want to damage anything while cleaning her. Furthermore, all the patients around her were holding their noses and calling at me, "Auntie, Auntie, ewww". All this was compounded by this other woman sitting behind me. This woman always wants someone to sit with her and hug her. Often if you walk by she'll grab at your legs or arms and latch on to you. If you're near her she will call your name repeatedly until you acknowledge her. So... not only am I totally grossed out while cleaing up human feces, I'm also absorbing patient complaints about the smell and being heckled. I was rather frustrated to say the least.

This was just the beginning of my two hours volunteering. This type of human body function scenario repeated itself three times. After the third time, I had had it. I decided to take off to the roof and journal for a bit. I was so confused and completely shocked. I've never seen people like this. They are completely helpless and dependent on the Sisters and the volunteers. It's crazy to think what would happen if these people had remained on the street. After my week at Prem Dan I really thought that these women had a bad lot in life. It would be terrible to be stuck in some home with sick and mentally ill people and have nothing to do all day, but lie on a bed. They never go outside or have walks or even have interesting conversation. But after being at Kalighat today, I have to say that these women are SO lucky!!! Compared to some people on the street, they're the ones who are safe and being cared for, even if that care is minimal.

The world is such a scary place and people can be so cruel. It's amazing to think about what Jesus did. The way he loved the poor, the unwanted and the outcasts. It's even more amazing to realize that this person, this God, is a part of me. That's the hardest part, I have such a huge capacity to love and care for others and I don't. It seems impossible at times, especially when I am so wrapped up with myself and distracted by all my own needs and desires. How can I be focused on my life when there is so much suffering going on? Some of these patients have no hope left, they're literally waiting to die; and here I am worrying that I might catch TB or if the French volunteer guy named Fleuron likes Canadian girls who speak French. How can I rationalize this?