trains, cows and stress

We are now in Varanassi. It's been a rough couple of days. We (Josh and Elissa) left early from Darjeeling on the 22nd at 9am and did not get into Varanassi until yesterday at 2pm. I was so dehydrated and tired. The reason for our long journey was that we could not catch a train directly to Varanassi from Siligury, so we had to take a train to Patna. The man at the train station in Varanassi told us we had to take a local train from Patna to Varanassi. So, we arrived in Patna at 4:30am and attempted to board a train at 5:30am to Varanassi. It did not go over well. Just getting on the train was difficult. We had to push our way through with our large bags and I was practically mauled by hundreds of Indian people scrambling to board the train. It was the most frightening experience of my life. I was petrified of being trampled under the train or being unable to get onto the train and separated from my friends. Luckily we all made it on okay and fought to get a seat. Once sitting down we finally had a chance to relax. It was at this point that we discovered that we had gotten on the wrong train and was going in the wrong direction. We got off and had to figure out where we had gone and how to actually get back to Patna and then eventually to Varanassi. Seven hours later, we arrived in Varanassi. I made sure to buy our train tickets to Agra the moment we got in. Everything is planned. We leave tomorrow night at 6:30pm.

Varanassi is not what I expected. We were told it was a really awful city, full of mean people who want to rip you off and take your money. Since being here our experience has been the opposite. Everyone we have spoken to seems to be so pleasant and kind, even helpful. It's been quite a lovely time. Early this morning we took a boat ride on the Ganges and looked at all the pilgrims come down the ghats to bathe in the holy river. After that we took a tour of old Varanassi and looked at some Hindu Temples. This place is full of shrines and temples to Shiva and monkeys. Some of them are totally amazing and so beautiful. It's also the place where most Hindus come to die and experience Moksha, which is when they put your body into the river so you can stop the cycle of reincarnation. This afternoon, we went to the Golden Temple and then to the burning ghat to watch the death ceremony. It was such an unusual sight. First we saw a body being prepared to be placed into the river and then we actually watched the hindu death/cremation ceremony. It's hard to watch. I've never seen this many corpses all in one place. I find Hindusim so intriguing. I want to buy a book about it because it's so complex and confusing. If I can learn about Hinduism then maybe I will have a better understanding of India and the people here.

Today, I had my first "I hate India, get me the fuck out of here" moment. Just after seeing all the burning bodies we walked through old Varanassi attempting to find the main ghat and street. After walking for several minutes I began to feel really sick and dizzy. Old Varanassi is made up of tiny alley ways, which are crowded with people, animals and cyclists. Because Varanassi is a holy city, cows are everywhere and as a result, so is manure. It's in huge smelly piles on the street and when in tight spaces it tends to gets really stinky. Anyways, I was getting super sick and completely clastrophobic. We finally found the street and it's packed with Hindu pilgrims on a parade down to the Ganges. It seems that tomorrow is the first day of a huge festival devoted to Shiva. So, not only are there already enough people in Varanassi on a regular day, it's now packed with other Indian people coming to do a pilgrimage. I'd like to remind people that when I say packed, I mean it. Think about how many people live in this country and imagine when they all congregate for a religious celebration. Anywho, we were completely surrounded by yelling Hindus in brightly coloured clothes, as well as being bombarded by auto-rikshaws, cars and cyclists. At this time I thought my head would explode with all the noise from the cars and chants. Just on my verge of insanity, Josh saw some other Canadians and decided to seize the moment to say hello. It was at this point that I was rear-ended by a cow. I think it must have been a male cow or something because it had horns and was huge. Ok I'm probably over-exaggerating, it really didn't rear end me, but gave me a little nugde. When I turned to see who/what touched me, I freaked out.

At that moment, I basically started to walk quickly up the street. I had to do something to get away from all the noise. By the time Josh found me, I was all flustered and upset. If any of you know me, you can well imagine how profane and pissed off I was. All is better now though. I am in an internet cafe with a cool air conditioned breeze on my face. Sometimes I don't know how to deal with life. I just get so upset that the smallest things can cause me to break down. I have been praying for God to help me cope better on this final leg of the trip. I need to be gracious to others, especially Josh, my travel partner. That poor man! I think by the time we're done, he's never going to talk to me again. I can be such a stress mess. Luckily there is only one week left for me in India. I am enjoying it here and am especially looking forward to seeing the Taj Mahal. Let's hope I can survive until Agra.