Monday, October 30, 2006
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
My mad obsession
Oh my goodness, I am totally obsessed with Grey's Anatomy!
I feel incredibly lame talking about a television show on a blog ( I need to get out more) but this show is so AMAZING I just have to talk about it. Recently I rented a DVD of the first five episodes from the first season on the advice of Lavle (who knew eh?) and since then, I cannot stop renting Grey's DVDs. Last night I began the 2nd season and oh my God, I want to change professions and hopefully one day marry a mirror image of Patrick Dempsey (long sigh).
Since watching the show I have also developed an inner narrative. As I was getting ready for work this morning I proceeded to describe my emotional state in the third person using silly analogies of breakfast preparations. Sometimes I am so glad no one can hear my thoughts but God. He must laugh at some of the things I think about. It must be highly entertaining.
On to other news, we were given a security tape of the guy who robbed our office last week. As we watched this robbery unfold I felt uneasy but couldn't pinpoint why. After taking a stroll over lunch I realized I had seen this guy walking into the building a few weeks back. What's really sucky is that he was very good looking, probably one of the hottest guys I have seen in the last month. He had this awesome gray jacket with nice jeans and he wore these fantastic gray pumas. He looked Italian. For some reason I always like Italian men (?) And just to clarify, not the gino types who like techno music, evicta backpacks and dance with glo-sticks.
So... I'm infatuated with the guy who stole our office monitors. He may be a jerk for stealing from a non-profit organization dedicated to improving the lives of women all over the world, but he certainly looks dang sexy.
Shallow much?
I feel incredibly lame talking about a television show on a blog ( I need to get out more) but this show is so AMAZING I just have to talk about it. Recently I rented a DVD of the first five episodes from the first season on the advice of Lavle (who knew eh?) and since then, I cannot stop renting Grey's DVDs. Last night I began the 2nd season and oh my God, I want to change professions and hopefully one day marry a mirror image of Patrick Dempsey (long sigh).
Since watching the show I have also developed an inner narrative. As I was getting ready for work this morning I proceeded to describe my emotional state in the third person using silly analogies of breakfast preparations. Sometimes I am so glad no one can hear my thoughts but God. He must laugh at some of the things I think about. It must be highly entertaining.
On to other news, we were given a security tape of the guy who robbed our office last week. As we watched this robbery unfold I felt uneasy but couldn't pinpoint why. After taking a stroll over lunch I realized I had seen this guy walking into the building a few weeks back. What's really sucky is that he was very good looking, probably one of the hottest guys I have seen in the last month. He had this awesome gray jacket with nice jeans and he wore these fantastic gray pumas. He looked Italian. For some reason I always like Italian men (?) And just to clarify, not the gino types who like techno music, evicta backpacks and dance with glo-sticks.
So... I'm infatuated with the guy who stole our office monitors. He may be a jerk for stealing from a non-profit organization dedicated to improving the lives of women all over the world, but he certainly looks dang sexy.
Shallow much?
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Clue #1
Tengo que aprender español...
¿Puede alguien ayudarme?
Pienso que necesito a amante latino caliente
I just need someone to teach me Spanish. Let's hope that's what I said.
¿Puede alguien ayudarme?
Pienso que necesito a amante latino caliente
I just need someone to teach me Spanish. Let's hope that's what I said.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
The thriving metropolis of Sarnia
Last night I hitched a ride in a rental car with the Hunters to attend Ann Marie's fundraiser for her trip to Mozambique. After a long four hour drive to Sarnia we arrived for an event that was not what I had expected. I guess I assumed it would be full of young twenty somethings like most Freedomize outings, but instead it was packed with "old" people. It's rather silly and mean to call them old as they were mostly in their 40s and 50s, which is actually quite young if you think about it.
In light of the crowd, the night was your typical small town church event. They had a spread of food laid out in the church gym with a makeshift stage displaying African printed blankets and pillows. They served coffee and tea in Timmy's cups with various other assortments of potluck type hors d'oeuvres. I find Church suppers usually always provide one with exposure to new combinations of food. There is always some jello mixture with marshmallows, odd variations of tomato aspect, and egg salad sandwiches with some form of homemade pickled vegetable. Fortunately for me, Annie had made most of the food so it was all normal in appearance and taste and very yummy.
Following the fundraiser Ade and I helped Annie clean things up and then the three of us headed over to the local pub to meet up with Ade's friend Ron and his dad. Hanging out at a random hotel bar on a Saturday night with a middle aged man was not my ideal, but the evening turned out to be very enjoyable.
Ron's dad is your typical Brit who comes from the town of Liverpool. He had an accent, which as the evening porgressed, became thicker as he drank more alcohol. At some points it became increasingly difficult to understand him. Despite his inebriated state, we became engrossed in a conversation on British politics and colonialism. This man was probably the most patriotic Englishman I have ever encountered. He was so infuriatingly pro-Commonwealth (England rules the world, we are the best colonizers, and we should still rule the world) that I had to work to contain my utter shock and disbelief at the ridiculousness of his claims and opinions.
After graduating from university a few years back, I often wondered if my education was a waste of time. Would I ever need to discuss long-term effects of imperialism and the rise of neo-liberal policies with the average person? Why would anyone care about the Falkand Islands conflict? Well, to my delight all these topics were breached last night and to my amazement, I defended my points very articulately and with much vigour. Not to be conceited, but I think he was impressed. At one point he turned to Ade and told her that when he was my age he never considered politics an interesting subject and that all he ever wanted to do was get laid. We were uh... taken aback by this comment.
The evening continued as I drove his dad home to avoid the police ride check outside the hotel. I have to admit; it was rather odd to be driving a car that belonged to a man I hardly knew. At first I thought I might be getting into an unsafe situation, but the whole way home he complimented me on my driving and showed me various ways to drive that saves "petrol". I don't know if they actually work but when I get a car (or if someone has the gumption to lend me theirs) I'll have to test out his theories.
After dropping off dad, Ade and I drove over to meet Annie and Ron at his house where we indulged in cigars, listened to awesome music and looked at demotivational posters. I discovered that Ron and I had similar views on music (we both have a mad love for K-OS and Jurassic 5 and hate melancholy emotional crap), subsidized housing, classism, social justice and development.
The night concluded with Ann Marie and me sharing a bed at her place. We giggled and chatted until 3:30am until finally we were so tired, we went to sleep. I miss my friend so much and wished that my departure could have been delayed so we could spend the entire afternoon together. I can’t believe she leaves on Thursday for Africa. The closer she gets to leaving the more excited I become for her. It is absolutely exhilarating to see someone I love experience the realization of a most passionate long-standing dream. Even if I am dismayed with my own present circumstances, I am quite satisfied to watch my friend enjoy God’s blessings. It has not always been easy for me to say this with sincerity, but today I can say that I truly mean it.
I could go on forever about the gloriousness of my weekend. I had a particularly excellent Friday as well but this post is long enough and I have to get going as church is at 5pm.
Happy Sunday :)
Johanna
In light of the crowd, the night was your typical small town church event. They had a spread of food laid out in the church gym with a makeshift stage displaying African printed blankets and pillows. They served coffee and tea in Timmy's cups with various other assortments of potluck type hors d'oeuvres. I find Church suppers usually always provide one with exposure to new combinations of food. There is always some jello mixture with marshmallows, odd variations of tomato aspect, and egg salad sandwiches with some form of homemade pickled vegetable. Fortunately for me, Annie had made most of the food so it was all normal in appearance and taste and very yummy.
Following the fundraiser Ade and I helped Annie clean things up and then the three of us headed over to the local pub to meet up with Ade's friend Ron and his dad. Hanging out at a random hotel bar on a Saturday night with a middle aged man was not my ideal, but the evening turned out to be very enjoyable.
Ron's dad is your typical Brit who comes from the town of Liverpool. He had an accent, which as the evening porgressed, became thicker as he drank more alcohol. At some points it became increasingly difficult to understand him. Despite his inebriated state, we became engrossed in a conversation on British politics and colonialism. This man was probably the most patriotic Englishman I have ever encountered. He was so infuriatingly pro-Commonwealth (England rules the world, we are the best colonizers, and we should still rule the world) that I had to work to contain my utter shock and disbelief at the ridiculousness of his claims and opinions.
After graduating from university a few years back, I often wondered if my education was a waste of time. Would I ever need to discuss long-term effects of imperialism and the rise of neo-liberal policies with the average person? Why would anyone care about the Falkand Islands conflict? Well, to my delight all these topics were breached last night and to my amazement, I defended my points very articulately and with much vigour. Not to be conceited, but I think he was impressed. At one point he turned to Ade and told her that when he was my age he never considered politics an interesting subject and that all he ever wanted to do was get laid. We were uh... taken aback by this comment.
The evening continued as I drove his dad home to avoid the police ride check outside the hotel. I have to admit; it was rather odd to be driving a car that belonged to a man I hardly knew. At first I thought I might be getting into an unsafe situation, but the whole way home he complimented me on my driving and showed me various ways to drive that saves "petrol". I don't know if they actually work but when I get a car (or if someone has the gumption to lend me theirs) I'll have to test out his theories.
After dropping off dad, Ade and I drove over to meet Annie and Ron at his house where we indulged in cigars, listened to awesome music and looked at demotivational posters. I discovered that Ron and I had similar views on music (we both have a mad love for K-OS and Jurassic 5 and hate melancholy emotional crap), subsidized housing, classism, social justice and development.
The night concluded with Ann Marie and me sharing a bed at her place. We giggled and chatted until 3:30am until finally we were so tired, we went to sleep. I miss my friend so much and wished that my departure could have been delayed so we could spend the entire afternoon together. I can’t believe she leaves on Thursday for Africa. The closer she gets to leaving the more excited I become for her. It is absolutely exhilarating to see someone I love experience the realization of a most passionate long-standing dream. Even if I am dismayed with my own present circumstances, I am quite satisfied to watch my friend enjoy God’s blessings. It has not always been easy for me to say this with sincerity, but today I can say that I truly mean it.
I could go on forever about the gloriousness of my weekend. I had a particularly excellent Friday as well but this post is long enough and I have to get going as church is at 5pm.
Happy Sunday :)
Johanna
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Could this possibly work?
IJM finally gave the go-ahead to proceed with their CIDA proposal. I am so relieved to hear this that this morning after getting a call from my boss, I practically told the entire CSJ office, including the chair and board. Seriously, this is such a relief to me b/c I was beginning to think that the whole thing was a waste of my time and was never going to work. I am uncertain if this proposal contract will proceed smoothly but right now there is great potential for experience. To be honest, I don't understand why God would provide me with the connections and opportunity and then have it all fall apart. I mean, I guess he has purpose in everything, even if I don't quite understand it, but I just find that really odd. I guess we'll see what He does.
I also got to attend a fun working session this morning on the campaign. It was interesting but a bit too heavy for 9:30am. We discussed the idea of redefining the way average people talk about political issues. For example: tax cuts. Tax cuts are always considered to be a positive thing b/c they save the working person money every year. But taxation is very important to social programming and if we weren't taxed than we wouldn't have the programs we have. So tax cuts are really a decrease in the investment in education, healthcare, the environment etc... Then we talked about persuasive narrative and communication strategies. All very interesting except it was so full of academic and ideological vocabulary I almost wanted to scream. I can't blame these guys. They're professors and scholars and so to expect them to speak everyday (colloquial) language is probably unrealistic. Anywho, the meeting was good and actually quite productive considering we basically narrowed down our strategies and have begun to focus on our strengths.
During the conversation, the topic of hiring new staff came up. It seems that if all goes well, I am going to get hired on here. This is good news b/c up to this point I have been working to make it clear to my boss that I am an asset. My boss also told me that for the course of my internship he has planned to give me an honorarium. This is so sweet b/c I was not expecting to get paid any money at all. Apparently they're offering to pay for my travel costs, my lunch plus give me $1000. Not bad eh?
In other news, AWID gave me a FANTASTIC assignment on women's human rights in Sri Lanka. I get to create questions for an interview with a women who runs a feminist NGO in Sri Lanka called INFORM. It's pretty snazzy. The cool part about the whole thing is that this interview will be published and maybe my name will be on it. That would look good on my CV. I hate to say it, but right now, everything I do has to be relevant for my CV. It sucks and seems underhanded but it's just the reality of my life. If I want to go to law school, I need to have the best fricken CV on the planet.
Did I also mention that I got birthday money and bought a pair of rockin winter boots and some really snazzy pants. Oh yes, I'm gonna look really hot this fall.
Well, gotta go.
I also got to attend a fun working session this morning on the campaign. It was interesting but a bit too heavy for 9:30am. We discussed the idea of redefining the way average people talk about political issues. For example: tax cuts. Tax cuts are always considered to be a positive thing b/c they save the working person money every year. But taxation is very important to social programming and if we weren't taxed than we wouldn't have the programs we have. So tax cuts are really a decrease in the investment in education, healthcare, the environment etc... Then we talked about persuasive narrative and communication strategies. All very interesting except it was so full of academic and ideological vocabulary I almost wanted to scream. I can't blame these guys. They're professors and scholars and so to expect them to speak everyday (colloquial) language is probably unrealistic. Anywho, the meeting was good and actually quite productive considering we basically narrowed down our strategies and have begun to focus on our strengths.
During the conversation, the topic of hiring new staff came up. It seems that if all goes well, I am going to get hired on here. This is good news b/c up to this point I have been working to make it clear to my boss that I am an asset. My boss also told me that for the course of my internship he has planned to give me an honorarium. This is so sweet b/c I was not expecting to get paid any money at all. Apparently they're offering to pay for my travel costs, my lunch plus give me $1000. Not bad eh?
In other news, AWID gave me a FANTASTIC assignment on women's human rights in Sri Lanka. I get to create questions for an interview with a women who runs a feminist NGO in Sri Lanka called INFORM. It's pretty snazzy. The cool part about the whole thing is that this interview will be published and maybe my name will be on it. That would look good on my CV. I hate to say it, but right now, everything I do has to be relevant for my CV. It sucks and seems underhanded but it's just the reality of my life. If I want to go to law school, I need to have the best fricken CV on the planet.
Did I also mention that I got birthday money and bought a pair of rockin winter boots and some really snazzy pants. Oh yes, I'm gonna look really hot this fall.
Well, gotta go.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
I've had a great weekend thus far. THis Friday night I went out with some friend for my birthday. It was small as only few people attended but I enjoyed the conversation and general ease and relaxation of the evening. In particular a good friend from high school came out. She had just gotten back from Guyana and we were able to catch up over dinner. I also found that another good friend of mine from hih school is pregnant. The whole night seemed exciting in light of that news.
This morning I slept in until 11. It was glorious as I have been waking up super early all week to work at the Centre and AWID. After getting up and taking my time getting dressed, I walked over to the little bistro near my house for breakfast with my sister. This bistro is usually over-priced but this morning I had eggs benedict and tea all for free. This was due to the fact that J.P. (Catherine's boyfriend) just got a job working as a cook and apparently the head chef has a crush on me. I have to admit, although I would NEVER consider this person as a suitable romantic partner, I certainly enjoy free food. And, keep in mind that I am not supposed to be privy to such "personal" information.
After a lengthy and leisurely breakfast, Cat and I returned home and chatted. This was followed by a ridiculous cleaning spree, which involed me cleaning absolutely every part of my apartment. I find cleaning addictive and at some points very therapeutic.
Following my cleaning spree, I went to Ann Marie's going away party at Nathan's, which was quite fun. I left early to come home and I just watched the Count of Monte Cristo and it was quite good. It didn't follow the storyline/plot from the book but I liked it. If you know me, you'll know that I am incredibly picky when it comes to film adpatations of well-known pieces of literature. I have never been impressed with Austen films, particularly Pride and Prejudice. Although the BBC version come close. Anyways, this plot left out so much pertinent information and various sub-plots, which in my mind should have been expanded upon so that people could really get a sense of the mastery of Dumas' writing.
In terms of general entertainment, I thought it FANTASTIC!! I expecially liked the guy who played Edmond. GOsh he awa hunky. I couldn't figure out where he was from so I googled him and discovered he played Jesus in the Passion of the Christ. Everyone who plays Jesus in films are always good looking. I don't know why considering the Bible does not describe Jesus as a hunky man. I think the most attractive Jesus by far has been Ted Nealy. Dude was HOT.
Yes, I am sure that I could discuss ogther pertinent issues on this blog,like politics or something international affairs related but sometimes, a good disucssion of hot Jesus actors is needed. Besides, it's 1:42am. What else could I possibly talk about?
This morning I slept in until 11. It was glorious as I have been waking up super early all week to work at the Centre and AWID. After getting up and taking my time getting dressed, I walked over to the little bistro near my house for breakfast with my sister. This bistro is usually over-priced but this morning I had eggs benedict and tea all for free. This was due to the fact that J.P. (Catherine's boyfriend) just got a job working as a cook and apparently the head chef has a crush on me. I have to admit, although I would NEVER consider this person as a suitable romantic partner, I certainly enjoy free food. And, keep in mind that I am not supposed to be privy to such "personal" information.
After a lengthy and leisurely breakfast, Cat and I returned home and chatted. This was followed by a ridiculous cleaning spree, which involed me cleaning absolutely every part of my apartment. I find cleaning addictive and at some points very therapeutic.
Following my cleaning spree, I went to Ann Marie's going away party at Nathan's, which was quite fun. I left early to come home and I just watched the Count of Monte Cristo and it was quite good. It didn't follow the storyline/plot from the book but I liked it. If you know me, you'll know that I am incredibly picky when it comes to film adpatations of well-known pieces of literature. I have never been impressed with Austen films, particularly Pride and Prejudice. Although the BBC version come close. Anyways, this plot left out so much pertinent information and various sub-plots, which in my mind should have been expanded upon so that people could really get a sense of the mastery of Dumas' writing.
In terms of general entertainment, I thought it FANTASTIC!! I expecially liked the guy who played Edmond. GOsh he awa hunky. I couldn't figure out where he was from so I googled him and discovered he played Jesus in the Passion of the Christ. Everyone who plays Jesus in films are always good looking. I don't know why considering the Bible does not describe Jesus as a hunky man. I think the most attractive Jesus by far has been Ted Nealy. Dude was HOT.
Yes, I am sure that I could discuss ogther pertinent issues on this blog,like politics or something international affairs related but sometimes, a good disucssion of hot Jesus actors is needed. Besides, it's 1:42am. What else could I possibly talk about?
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Scattered brained and distracted. Oh...silly David
I got in trouble today at work. Apparently when you edit something you are supposed to save the new AND the old document. I don't know why I should have several copies of one document with various edits but apparently they are needed. Erasing these previous documents is "not very bright" (quoted from David, my boss). Gosh, they could really use a footnothing option in blogger.
Speaking of David, he is so funny. Recently he called me from his car to discuss a proposal we were writing. At first I thought he was sitting in a parking lot as he was actually reading out the document to me and telling me what words he didn't like in specific paragraphs and then I realized he was driving along college street reading my proposal and editing it over the phone. Later on while dropping me off at a subway station, I noticed that his car was standard. Let's just say I have a new appreciation for multi-tasking.
He also has these moments at work where he gets really confused and forgets how to use the phone. Periodically he ends up hanging up on major sponsors and donors as he is simultaneously writing emails, talking on his cell and searching for documents on the floor of his office. Sometimes he intends to put someone on hold but attempts to dial out instead which causes the phone to make a very loud beeping alert noise. This is usually followed by some sort of grumbling or crass language which I cannot repeat here.
In so many ways he drives me nuts. For example, today I entered his office and it was absolutely freezing. I asked if the air conditioning was on and David pointed out that the window was open. When I tried to close the window I couldn't because he had removed two of the window panes for cleaning. We decided to put them back except we couldn't find them anywhere in his office. I don't know how it's possible to misplace two large window panes but David managed to do it. We eventually found them behind a shelf underneath papers and binders.
He is constantly scheduling meetings and then forgetting to attend them. He once scheduled a staff meeting to discuss project progress reports and deadlines and then was away at a conference in Quebec. He also likes to assume that he is paying me by making remarks like, "What an excellend idea! This is why we pay you". I have to remind him that he doesn't.
Although I find David to be a bit distracting and somewhat scatter-brained, the more I get to know him the more I like him. We had lunch today and chatted about MA programs and post-graduate work. He was really helpful and very encouraging. In so many ways he really surprises me. I never thought that a guy with a PhD and all his academic credentials took ten years to complete his B.A. (Yes, it is possible to fuck up your undergrad and still do well later on. Who knew?)
Despite my frustration with his lack of organization, I seem to be managing better. I realize that I do contribute and in some ways am discovering some of my strengths. It's a good feeling. I know I have a ways to go but I feel I've made a good start, and that's half the battle. I keep reminding myself that it's not about the end goal but about the process (props to Petey).
Speaking of David, he is so funny. Recently he called me from his car to discuss a proposal we were writing. At first I thought he was sitting in a parking lot as he was actually reading out the document to me and telling me what words he didn't like in specific paragraphs and then I realized he was driving along college street reading my proposal and editing it over the phone. Later on while dropping me off at a subway station, I noticed that his car was standard. Let's just say I have a new appreciation for multi-tasking.
He also has these moments at work where he gets really confused and forgets how to use the phone. Periodically he ends up hanging up on major sponsors and donors as he is simultaneously writing emails, talking on his cell and searching for documents on the floor of his office. Sometimes he intends to put someone on hold but attempts to dial out instead which causes the phone to make a very loud beeping alert noise. This is usually followed by some sort of grumbling or crass language which I cannot repeat here.
In so many ways he drives me nuts. For example, today I entered his office and it was absolutely freezing. I asked if the air conditioning was on and David pointed out that the window was open. When I tried to close the window I couldn't because he had removed two of the window panes for cleaning. We decided to put them back except we couldn't find them anywhere in his office. I don't know how it's possible to misplace two large window panes but David managed to do it. We eventually found them behind a shelf underneath papers and binders.
He is constantly scheduling meetings and then forgetting to attend them. He once scheduled a staff meeting to discuss project progress reports and deadlines and then was away at a conference in Quebec. He also likes to assume that he is paying me by making remarks like, "What an excellend idea! This is why we pay you". I have to remind him that he doesn't.
Although I find David to be a bit distracting and somewhat scatter-brained, the more I get to know him the more I like him. We had lunch today and chatted about MA programs and post-graduate work. He was really helpful and very encouraging. In so many ways he really surprises me. I never thought that a guy with a PhD and all his academic credentials took ten years to complete his B.A. (Yes, it is possible to fuck up your undergrad and still do well later on. Who knew?)
Despite my frustration with his lack of organization, I seem to be managing better. I realize that I do contribute and in some ways am discovering some of my strengths. It's a good feeling. I know I have a ways to go but I feel I've made a good start, and that's half the battle. I keep reminding myself that it's not about the end goal but about the process (props to Petey).
Monday, September 11, 2006
Frustrated
Today my boss asked me to start up a social justice blog. I thought it would be a great idea for the campaign and so I began to work at writing up our founding document for our very first post. I even had some people ready to comment. The whole thing would be fantastic except for the program we are using for our blog. I'm sure it's not a program but I don't know what else to call it. I swear if it was a person I would totally kick it in the head. Yes, I said kick it in the head. Not punch, kick. Grr... It kept changing the font on me, the colours, the spacing, making it bold etc... I was so pissed off after two hours of working away that I just gave up. What the hell am I doing wrong? Someone tell me b/c I have no idea why this is acting this way. I blog here and cut and paste all the time and never have any problems. Why is this so difficult? Boo-urns.
Bah
Bah
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Peacekeeping Job #2
There is a new advertisement up for a project officer in Montreal with the Pearson Peacekeeping Centre. It pays well and it offers the potential of traveling all over Africa training peacekeepers from various African nations. I want this job! I just sent off my application and this time I didn't spend endless hours writing and editing my cover letter. I wrote what I thought was good and sent it off. I didn't even ask a friend to edit it. The last time I applied to the PPC they didn't even acknowledge receiving my resume. With my recent application, I asked for them to respond to let me know they had successfully received the attachments. Let's hope I hear from them.
Two other girls that I know of applied for this position. One is a great girl who got short listed for the last PPC job I applied to. I expect that she's got the position already if she's not working for some other organization. The other girl is a friend of mine who is the most pessimistic person I've ever encountered. I don't know if she would get hired after an interview. Was that wrong to point out her pessimism? I take that back, she's not pessimistic she's... very realistic. Anyways, whatever happens I hope one of us gets hired. I won't lie, I hope it's me. Frick that would SO rock! I would get to live in Montreal. I could move away from Toronto and be one of those exciting people who are going through "transition time".
Stupid transition time (grumble grumble). I think I have a bad case of the "poor mes" today. I have been going on and on with myself about how everyone has moved away and I'm stuck in Toronto working for International Justice Mission and the Centre for Social Justice. It seems like all those close to me are moving to foreign lands or new places to pursue their dreams. Just yesterday I counted all the foreign friends I now have; friends in Tanzania, Kenya, Goa, Sri Lanka, Cairo, Yemen, Kazakhstan, Bali, Maui, Korea, the Dominican Republic and countless other places. I have friends who aren't even in development who are going to the Philippines, Mozambique and Holland to do mission training. I say good for them. I should not be envious or bitter. I should rejoice. When I eventually get money I will have tons of places to stay for free!
That is not sufficient to cheer me up.
Life is not entirely bad here. And even though I am not traveling somewhere my life is in a transition period too, it's just not as exciting as other people. My volunteer position at the Centre for Social Justice may end up turning into a real job. My boss wants me to help him coordinate and organize a national pre-election campaign for civic engagement. Once funding is given for the campaign he said he would pay me a working wage. This opportunity appeals to me, except for the fact that I have to work with the most scatter-brained person on the planet. My boss is so ADD it's impossible to get him to focus to even map out our campaign strategies and general deadlines. Part of last week was spent attempting to fix up his founding documents to present to the Working Committee of union heads/leaders and it took us two days (and countless hours of my frustration).
I also got a call from IJM telling me my contract is still a go. I am back working on a proposal and should be done in the next three weeks to a month. I also got a phone call from AWID (a women's rights organization) to do an internship. I had applied for an internship with them in June and was interviewed with two other people but did not get the job. Apparently the person they did hire was terrible and left early. Phht, serves them right for not hiring me. Jerks. Ahem...the point is they want me to work for them, for free of course because no one ever pays people in my field unless they have an MA or gazillion years of experience. Man, this poor me stuff really has to go.
In some relatively good news, I started doing practice LSATs and I am getting questions right. I am so smart! Yes, be impressed people (if anyone indeed reads this blog) I do have some level of intelligent thought and according to the people of the Princeton Review, I will be on my way to law school any day now. Of course I believe them and why not, they're from Princeton and Ivy League schools are always right; at least in my estimation.
So you see life is not so terrible. I potentially have a job with the PPC, I have two internships with two relatively good organizations (one which will eventually pay me), I still have a contract with IJM and I am on my way to LSAT glory and success.
So why do I still feel bad?
Two other girls that I know of applied for this position. One is a great girl who got short listed for the last PPC job I applied to. I expect that she's got the position already if she's not working for some other organization. The other girl is a friend of mine who is the most pessimistic person I've ever encountered. I don't know if she would get hired after an interview. Was that wrong to point out her pessimism? I take that back, she's not pessimistic she's... very realistic. Anyways, whatever happens I hope one of us gets hired. I won't lie, I hope it's me. Frick that would SO rock! I would get to live in Montreal. I could move away from Toronto and be one of those exciting people who are going through "transition time".
Stupid transition time (grumble grumble). I think I have a bad case of the "poor mes" today. I have been going on and on with myself about how everyone has moved away and I'm stuck in Toronto working for International Justice Mission and the Centre for Social Justice. It seems like all those close to me are moving to foreign lands or new places to pursue their dreams. Just yesterday I counted all the foreign friends I now have; friends in Tanzania, Kenya, Goa, Sri Lanka, Cairo, Yemen, Kazakhstan, Bali, Maui, Korea, the Dominican Republic and countless other places. I have friends who aren't even in development who are going to the Philippines, Mozambique and Holland to do mission training. I say good for them. I should not be envious or bitter. I should rejoice. When I eventually get money I will have tons of places to stay for free!
That is not sufficient to cheer me up.
Life is not entirely bad here. And even though I am not traveling somewhere my life is in a transition period too, it's just not as exciting as other people. My volunteer position at the Centre for Social Justice may end up turning into a real job. My boss wants me to help him coordinate and organize a national pre-election campaign for civic engagement. Once funding is given for the campaign he said he would pay me a working wage. This opportunity appeals to me, except for the fact that I have to work with the most scatter-brained person on the planet. My boss is so ADD it's impossible to get him to focus to even map out our campaign strategies and general deadlines. Part of last week was spent attempting to fix up his founding documents to present to the Working Committee of union heads/leaders and it took us two days (and countless hours of my frustration).
I also got a call from IJM telling me my contract is still a go. I am back working on a proposal and should be done in the next three weeks to a month. I also got a phone call from AWID (a women's rights organization) to do an internship. I had applied for an internship with them in June and was interviewed with two other people but did not get the job. Apparently the person they did hire was terrible and left early. Phht, serves them right for not hiring me. Jerks. Ahem...the point is they want me to work for them, for free of course because no one ever pays people in my field unless they have an MA or gazillion years of experience. Man, this poor me stuff really has to go.
In some relatively good news, I started doing practice LSATs and I am getting questions right. I am so smart! Yes, be impressed people (if anyone indeed reads this blog) I do have some level of intelligent thought and according to the people of the Princeton Review, I will be on my way to law school any day now. Of course I believe them and why not, they're from Princeton and Ivy League schools are always right; at least in my estimation.
So you see life is not so terrible. I potentially have a job with the PPC, I have two internships with two relatively good organizations (one which will eventually pay me), I still have a contract with IJM and I am on my way to LSAT glory and success.
So why do I still feel bad?
Thursday, August 31, 2006
My house smells like asphalt
Someone is doing roadwork nearby and my whole house smells like tar. It's yucky. Oddly enough, the smell of road seems to make me very hungry. I've been eating all day.
So, I haven't posted in awhile. I have lots to say at the moment but can never figure out how to express it all. I always seem to edit the crap out of my posts to make sure there are no grammatical errors or repetitive use of words, but I think for now, I am just going to rant away and you can read if you choose. That was long sentence.
Let's see, where to begin.
I have come to realize that the things I have wanted for so very long are not indeed what I need. Basically I realized that what I was dreading was actually what was best and now that it's occurred I feel some relief. I don't want to say that I am completely relieved because I am not. If anything even though I know things are where they should be I still feel this ache in my heart. I am sad and this time of grief, although for a season, is needed to redirect my priorities, renew my passion, and motivate me to aim for a new level of spiritual maturity.
The last two months have been all about personal growth, particularly this week. Since Sunday I have been on a rollercoaster ride of emotion. It changes moment by moment. At some points I have cried for no reason (I never thought an Excel spreadsheet could stir up such an emotioanl response from me. I'm sure my co-workers think I'm right nuts.) and then at other times I have felt so confident; more confident than I have ever felt before. I don't know how to reconcile such trying mood swings. My tendency is to analyse why this is happening, but instead I am choosing to go with the flow, letting my emotions come and go realizing that they are not negative or positive. I may be happy or sad, but no matter how I feel it does not change the truth of my life or who I am. Knowing that has made life more bearable and if anything, has been a great comfort.
One of the most validating experiences this week has been my appointment with Rupen, the program director of IPMP at Humber. I went in to discuss procurement manuals (oh ah) and we had an indepth discussion about my two field placements. As I talked he just sat and listened(thank goodness he has a MA in psychiatry). To my surprise, I was quite upset. So upset that I could barely discuss it without getting teary. Finally after I finished, he looked at me and with so much sincerety pointed out that I had every reason to feel frustrated. I was shocked. Maybe it was because it came from someone I strongly respect and admire or perhap it was because it was coming from an adult who really understood what I was feeling, but when he uttered those few words I felt a weight lift from my shoulders. Validation can mean so much. For the first time in weeks I felt hope. It was exhilerating!
This new feeling of hope has really given me new perspective. I need to make drastic changes to my life, which in my view are not going to be easy. Yeah, I could lament about how I will be humbled and blah blah blah but what does that accomplish? Yes, it's going to be hard and it's going to be difficult. It's supposed to be that way. No one said it would be easy. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy. Yes, that's a tacky cliched statement but it's true. If I want my life to be different, I have to make different choices. There is no easy way around it. But I'd rather have the knowledge that the road ahead is bumpy then not venture on it at all.
This desire to make drastic changes has been coming for awhile. So with this in mind I have made some positive steps. I bought an LSAT prep book. Yes I have said it before, but this time I actually mean it. I am going to write the LSAT. I have booked my test for December 2nd so it IS going to happen (unless I'm dead or in some foreign land). I just spent $118 of my precious money to take a 5 hour test which may or may not determine my ability to apply to law school. Buying the book really confirmed a lot for me as I have wanted to go to lawschool for the last three years. I applied to do my MA because I thought it would look good on my CV and then I went to Humber instead because I thought I needed practical experience. But all along, I wanted to go to lawschool. I was just afraid to take a step out and attempt to pursue that goal. I want this and I am going to do it. There is no such thing as trying. You either do it or you don't and the result is either success or failure. If you fail, pick yourself up and do it again and again until you succeed (or until another opportunity comes along or you just get tired). The best part about knowing God is that I never fail. I only keep retaking the test again until I pass.
God is definitely good to me. Although life as of late has been rough, I feel His peace, which I consider a fruitful development. I am surrounded by chaos and confusion, but I can still see my Father's face. This is something new to me, but it's a wonderful feeling. I don't want to lose it. If that means I will forever be uncertain about my future and how life will unfold, that's alright. This is the best place I've been yet.
So, I haven't posted in awhile. I have lots to say at the moment but can never figure out how to express it all. I always seem to edit the crap out of my posts to make sure there are no grammatical errors or repetitive use of words, but I think for now, I am just going to rant away and you can read if you choose. That was long sentence.
Let's see, where to begin.
I have come to realize that the things I have wanted for so very long are not indeed what I need. Basically I realized that what I was dreading was actually what was best and now that it's occurred I feel some relief. I don't want to say that I am completely relieved because I am not. If anything even though I know things are where they should be I still feel this ache in my heart. I am sad and this time of grief, although for a season, is needed to redirect my priorities, renew my passion, and motivate me to aim for a new level of spiritual maturity.
The last two months have been all about personal growth, particularly this week. Since Sunday I have been on a rollercoaster ride of emotion. It changes moment by moment. At some points I have cried for no reason (I never thought an Excel spreadsheet could stir up such an emotioanl response from me. I'm sure my co-workers think I'm right nuts.) and then at other times I have felt so confident; more confident than I have ever felt before. I don't know how to reconcile such trying mood swings. My tendency is to analyse why this is happening, but instead I am choosing to go with the flow, letting my emotions come and go realizing that they are not negative or positive. I may be happy or sad, but no matter how I feel it does not change the truth of my life or who I am. Knowing that has made life more bearable and if anything, has been a great comfort.
One of the most validating experiences this week has been my appointment with Rupen, the program director of IPMP at Humber. I went in to discuss procurement manuals (oh ah) and we had an indepth discussion about my two field placements. As I talked he just sat and listened(thank goodness he has a MA in psychiatry). To my surprise, I was quite upset. So upset that I could barely discuss it without getting teary. Finally after I finished, he looked at me and with so much sincerety pointed out that I had every reason to feel frustrated. I was shocked. Maybe it was because it came from someone I strongly respect and admire or perhap it was because it was coming from an adult who really understood what I was feeling, but when he uttered those few words I felt a weight lift from my shoulders. Validation can mean so much. For the first time in weeks I felt hope. It was exhilerating!
This new feeling of hope has really given me new perspective. I need to make drastic changes to my life, which in my view are not going to be easy. Yeah, I could lament about how I will be humbled and blah blah blah but what does that accomplish? Yes, it's going to be hard and it's going to be difficult. It's supposed to be that way. No one said it would be easy. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy. Yes, that's a tacky cliched statement but it's true. If I want my life to be different, I have to make different choices. There is no easy way around it. But I'd rather have the knowledge that the road ahead is bumpy then not venture on it at all.
This desire to make drastic changes has been coming for awhile. So with this in mind I have made some positive steps. I bought an LSAT prep book. Yes I have said it before, but this time I actually mean it. I am going to write the LSAT. I have booked my test for December 2nd so it IS going to happen (unless I'm dead or in some foreign land). I just spent $118 of my precious money to take a 5 hour test which may or may not determine my ability to apply to law school. Buying the book really confirmed a lot for me as I have wanted to go to lawschool for the last three years. I applied to do my MA because I thought it would look good on my CV and then I went to Humber instead because I thought I needed practical experience. But all along, I wanted to go to lawschool. I was just afraid to take a step out and attempt to pursue that goal. I want this and I am going to do it. There is no such thing as trying. You either do it or you don't and the result is either success or failure. If you fail, pick yourself up and do it again and again until you succeed (or until another opportunity comes along or you just get tired). The best part about knowing God is that I never fail. I only keep retaking the test again until I pass.
God is definitely good to me. Although life as of late has been rough, I feel His peace, which I consider a fruitful development. I am surrounded by chaos and confusion, but I can still see my Father's face. This is something new to me, but it's a wonderful feeling. I don't want to lose it. If that means I will forever be uncertain about my future and how life will unfold, that's alright. This is the best place I've been yet.
Monday, August 28, 2006
I watched tv today for the first time in weeks. It's odd to have been away from my mind numbing friend. While in university television was such a relief. It was nice to sit and watch ridiculousness for an hour as a study break just to give my mind some time to process after reading so much political theory, history etc...
After being away from tv, when I return I am always shocked and pleaseed with what I see. There always seems to be the overtly sexual shows where breasts and other such body parts are seen on a regular basis. The over-use of sexual innuendos can be exhausting. There also is just more and more junk being advertised. I saw this horrible infomercial tonight on JeMagic. Please, do not decorate your homes with this contraption. It's hideous.
Nonetheless, there still seems to be some really good programming out there. Tonight, after having a productive day sending out resumes, I decided to watch a doc on WWI and the history of the Haitian military coup of 1991. I don't care how much people say television sucks up your brain cells, it's a great way to learn and educate the average person. Even watching the news can be informative and enlightening, despite the constant analysis we must do in order to have an objective and factual view of the world. The amount of information we can receive from one hour of television is enormous and I must say, if one is scrupulous and discerning, it can be rather produtive and useful.
After being away from tv, when I return I am always shocked and pleaseed with what I see. There always seems to be the overtly sexual shows where breasts and other such body parts are seen on a regular basis. The over-use of sexual innuendos can be exhausting. There also is just more and more junk being advertised. I saw this horrible infomercial tonight on JeMagic. Please, do not decorate your homes with this contraption. It's hideous.
Nonetheless, there still seems to be some really good programming out there. Tonight, after having a productive day sending out resumes, I decided to watch a doc on WWI and the history of the Haitian military coup of 1991. I don't care how much people say television sucks up your brain cells, it's a great way to learn and educate the average person. Even watching the news can be informative and enlightening, despite the constant analysis we must do in order to have an objective and factual view of the world. The amount of information we can receive from one hour of television is enormous and I must say, if one is scrupulous and discerning, it can be rather produtive and useful.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
The crazy monster from Robarts
The cutest little Korean toddler came to talk to me today. His mom was keeping a close eye on him as he meandered around the book displays. After exploring the cafeteria, the vending machine room and the t-card office he was completely certain that there was a monster somewhere about. He came right up to me (ballsy little man he was) and started gibbering away using expressive hand gestures. I have no idea what he was saying as he was speaking a combination of English, French and Korean. Apparently his name is Jacob and I should stay away from the monster's lair (the janitor closet). I'm amazed at the skills of children today. This little guy is two and already multilingual. Crazy eh?
Monday, July 24, 2006
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Ah, the joys of procrastination
I have work to do
I was supposed to do it last night
I was pleasantly distracted
tee hee
I was supposed to do it last night
I was pleasantly distracted
tee hee
Thursday, July 20, 2006
A lengthy post
OK, so I have been incredibly distracted lately. It's like I get focused on one thing and I can't seem to see past it. Today, I received an email from my aunt who wants me to connect with this guy working in Bali. She gave me his blog address and so I decided to check it out. Man, it was AWESOME!! It reminded me of what I want to do with my life and to get off my ass and stop wasting my time. I just realized how much potential I have (props to Meredith). I must take action and I must do it NOW! It makes me angry to think that I wasted precious time thinking and analyzing situations or relationships that just don't matter. Seriously, in light of God's plans for my life all the little worries of the present are so irrelevant and it makes me frustrated with myself that I have been consumed with self-deprecating thought. Grr...
In light of that revelation, I picked myself up and started to do some work. First, I ended up having a wicked-ass phone conversation with a family friend who I recently discovered works at CIDA. I get to tell her what I want to do and she'll tell me if it's possible (wee). I mean, who knew I actually would develop a connection with some big-wig at CIDA? After that I made the long trek out to Etobicoke to Humber to print off all the things I need for IJM and the Centre for Social Justice. I have so much crap to do and like usual, it's all due at the same time. Hmm... this feels oddly familiar.
I've been at Humber now for several hours reading all the IJM documentation. I have a complete budget of their entire project in Bolivia. It's so detailed that I have all the financial info for this organization down to their laundry expenses. This is nuts! I cannot believe I am looking at documents like this. Well I can, I just didn't expect it to be so soon after finishing school. Um yeah, let's hope no one from IJM Canada figures out that I have no idea what I am doing.
Also, I became an expert at looking up international legal documents pertaining to Indigenous rights. I thought this would be incredibly boring but I have to admit, this is REALLY interesting. Canadian Aboriginals have been terribly mistreated in this country and it makes me angry that our government has done so little to address their current situation. The whole thing is appalling. I feel a rant coming on...
Why would the nation of Canada, the Canadian government; a western power and proponent of multilateralism and international law; a supporter of the rights and principles enshrined in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, the Covenant on Civil and Political Rights, and the Covenant on the Rights of the Child; and a constant outspoken advocate of international justice and humanitarianism, be so against the fair treatment of their own citizens? These people, people that are loved by OUR God, people who have the right to dignity and equality have been neglected and are forced to live in poverty and isolation. This pisses me off! This is why I should be a lawyer. To help make laws that are needed and force countries to be accountable for the treaties and conventions they sign. No wonder people think international law is a joke. Countries NEVER adhere to their commitments. Just look at Kyoto. Now I know what Stephen Lewis means when he talks about HIV/AIDS in Africa and the MDGs. Apathy is abhorrent.
That is all… for now
In light of that revelation, I picked myself up and started to do some work. First, I ended up having a wicked-ass phone conversation with a family friend who I recently discovered works at CIDA. I get to tell her what I want to do and she'll tell me if it's possible (wee). I mean, who knew I actually would develop a connection with some big-wig at CIDA? After that I made the long trek out to Etobicoke to Humber to print off all the things I need for IJM and the Centre for Social Justice. I have so much crap to do and like usual, it's all due at the same time. Hmm... this feels oddly familiar.
I've been at Humber now for several hours reading all the IJM documentation. I have a complete budget of their entire project in Bolivia. It's so detailed that I have all the financial info for this organization down to their laundry expenses. This is nuts! I cannot believe I am looking at documents like this. Well I can, I just didn't expect it to be so soon after finishing school. Um yeah, let's hope no one from IJM Canada figures out that I have no idea what I am doing.
Also, I became an expert at looking up international legal documents pertaining to Indigenous rights. I thought this would be incredibly boring but I have to admit, this is REALLY interesting. Canadian Aboriginals have been terribly mistreated in this country and it makes me angry that our government has done so little to address their current situation. The whole thing is appalling. I feel a rant coming on...
Why would the nation of Canada, the Canadian government; a western power and proponent of multilateralism and international law; a supporter of the rights and principles enshrined in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, the Covenant on Civil and Political Rights, and the Covenant on the Rights of the Child; and a constant outspoken advocate of international justice and humanitarianism, be so against the fair treatment of their own citizens? These people, people that are loved by OUR God, people who have the right to dignity and equality have been neglected and are forced to live in poverty and isolation. This pisses me off! This is why I should be a lawyer. To help make laws that are needed and force countries to be accountable for the treaties and conventions they sign. No wonder people think international law is a joke. Countries NEVER adhere to their commitments. Just look at Kyoto. Now I know what Stephen Lewis means when he talks about HIV/AIDS in Africa and the MDGs. Apathy is abhorrent.
That is all… for now
Here kitty kitty
I might be kitten sitting for four days. Just think: two beautiful little muffins running around my house and tearing up my couch, wreaking havoc on everything I hold dear. I can't wait! Anyone wanna come over and see the little boos? You know you wanna...
Monday, July 17, 2006
I need a break
I haven't written here in a long while. I feel I have nothing pertinent to say anymore. For the last two weeks I have socialized a lot, which I have thoroughly enjoyed, but I find that it has been too much for me to handle. I love people but I desire space for me and my over-analysis. Yes, general thinking time is what I need otherwise I will no longer be able to carry on normal conversation.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
A glorious night
I walked home tonight in my bare feet in the pouring rain. The puddles were lovely and cool. My whole walk was so enjoyable and refreshing. I love rain. It's so clean.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
School is finally over. I did my last test today and I think I could have done better. Actually, it was probably really bad but I don't care, I'm glad it's done. It was out of 100 with 30 multiple choice questions each worth 3 marks (retarded if you ask me) and then an essay question on the UN Social Summit in Copenhagen. Anywho, I bullshitted a lot and made a few guesses. But, there was a lot on the test that I knew, which of course made me happy b/c I really didn't study very much last night. So, I rock for knowing a lot of UN information and odd Cdn. historical facts. Actually, I think the prof wrote a question wrong. He said that the UN was created by Roosevelt and Churchill, but it was really created by Woodrow Wilson after WWI with the creation of the League of Nations. Anyways, that's not the point. The point is that school is done and I can now have a real life.
To make my life even better than it is at this moment, I got offered a job today from a friend who is working for Stephane Dion (former enviro. minister) who is running in the Liberal leadership race. Apparently I would be typing some random party information into a database (boring) but I would get a lovely reference letter from the potential "Official Leader of the Opposition." Hmm... I don't know? I'm thinking it be a lot of fun plus I would get about $100/day. Right now I have the option of going to a cottage, working or hanging out in Toronto for Canada Day weekend. I can't decide. Someone needs to point me in the right direction.
To make my life even better than it is at this moment, I got offered a job today from a friend who is working for Stephane Dion (former enviro. minister) who is running in the Liberal leadership race. Apparently I would be typing some random party information into a database (boring) but I would get a lovely reference letter from the potential "Official Leader of the Opposition." Hmm... I don't know? I'm thinking it be a lot of fun plus I would get about $100/day. Right now I have the option of going to a cottage, working or hanging out in Toronto for Canada Day weekend. I can't decide. Someone needs to point me in the right direction.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Update on peacekeeping job
Yeah, so I didn't get shortlisted for the peacekeeping job in Ottawa. Actually, I never even got an email confirmation telling me they received my resume. Ah well. Another girl in my class applied too and has an interview. That's what I heard, but it was a tid bit of gossip, so who knows if it's true. True or not, I am glad one of us got an interview. At least it tells me that people from my course can have a chance at a real job. Ok, to avoid lying through my teeth, I will say that I am disappointed and feel rather crummy that this girl got an interview instead of me. But I never really felt I had a strong chance of getting the job. I just wanted to apply for something and follow through. For some reason, I am not dismayed but am at peace. Weird. God has a plan for my life, plans for me to prosper, to give me hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). I trust that. Perhaps that job wouldn't have suited me. For whatever reason, it's not mine and Jesus is in control. Thank goodness.
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